he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize