Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
