i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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