dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
