Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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