god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
