my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
