Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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