fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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