Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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