i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
