oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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