I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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