Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
