He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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