yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
