if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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