I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think i have herpe
just one?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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