just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
