Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he puts the penis in happiness.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
