so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
