i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
