Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
