haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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