I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
