i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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