thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
