The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
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The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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