So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
