Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I want a musical about memes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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