He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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