If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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