the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
