You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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