i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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