I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dignity is for republicans.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
