I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize