This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
