The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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