So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
