oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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