"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
