brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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