Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
