I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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