Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
