I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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