I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
