you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
