marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
