The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
