I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
