those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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