So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
