Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
