he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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