38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
