why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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