i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize