i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
