It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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