He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
