Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
