the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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