capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
