we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
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I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
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On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They are going to name an STD after you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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