if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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