How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
