No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So much Jack, so little girl.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
