Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
