evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
