You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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